Frankenstein 2000 Chapter 1
by GLEN RUDE
Summary: You think that you know the story of Frankenstein? Ha HA! You feeble minded moron! You do not know the half of it! If you dare, read the TRUE story of how I, Chadwick Von Frankenstein created life from the dead! But beware, once you know the grisly details, you shall never be the same again!


Frankenstein 2000

Chapter 1-Enter Chadwick Von Frankenstein

That night. That night would be the night! The night when I (Thunder Crashes!), "Chadwick Von Frankenstein" would create life….LIFE! How would I create life you ask? Well, certainly not the way that a man usually goes about creating life. No, that would require an action that I have yet to participate in; although the wedding between myself and my sweet, sweet Elizabeth is looming ever closer and closer and only then will I know the joys of…..surely I digress! I am talking about creating life in a way that no man has ever accomplished before! I am talking about creating life…..out of death! Insane, you dare call me? Well I can hardly say I do not blame you, for if I were to hear these macabre meanderings I might surely think the meanderer himself were truly mad! Oh, but I assure you, I am certainly not mad. No, I "Chadwick Von Frankenstein" am something else altogether. I am a pure and utter…genius!

For who but a genius could use their endless intellect to do something that only God himself could do? Who, but a genius could decipher the very mysteries of life itself? Ahhhhh, I remember being a young chap in my primary school of studies. Even then, in the fifth grade, my intellect was already far superior to each and every teacher in the school…combined! Yes, I remember the day that we were supposed to dissect a freshly deceased amphibian. Too easy! I had already dissected a full grown dog by the time I was in the 2nd grade! (I apologize to my neighbors who still don't know what happened to poor Fido! Ha Ha!) No, I decided that using my far superior intellect, the greater challenge would be….to reanimate the frog, and bring it back to life! I quickly concocted a formula to bathe the amphibian's body in, created a small generator using an electric pencil sharpener and the parts from my motorized scooter. Just as I was about to switch on my machine one of the boys named Tommy in the class asked me if I could check if he was making his incisions correctly. In my momentary lack of judgement, I turned away from my work to help the small minded fool. When I turned back around, I heard the sound of my machine running and…Presto! The frog inhaled its first breath if its second life! I declared that the frog was "ALIVE! ALIVE!" As the rest of the students gathered around I declared, "Look, you feeble minded fifth graders! While you fumble about with your ever so simple experiments, I, Chadwick Von Frankenstein have created life!" All of the fools then began laughing. Even the so called, teacher was laughing! "Why are you idiotic idiots laughing!?" "Do you not recognize that you are in the presence of a pure and utter genius!?" The boy, Tommy that I helped began to speak, "When you were tuned around, the other guys switched the dead frog with one that was still alive! Ha ha! You didn't create jack SQUAT you moron! Ha ha ha!" I then grabbed one of the dissecting scalpels and stabbed Tommy right in his eye! Actually, I did not, even though that is exactly what I wanted to do! After the imbeciles finally stopped their harassment and left, the last student in the room was a girl. A sweet and pretty young flower named…..Elizabeth Lavenza. "I am so sorry they bullied you Chadwick. You are really smart, you don't deserve it." She then kissed me on the cheek and turned around and walked out of the room. I knew then, that I would one day marry Elizabeth! For how could I marry anyone except the girl that saw me for what I truly was...a pure and utter genius! Plus, if she was willing to kiss me on the cheek now who knows what would happened when we were finally wed!?

After she left, I knew that I had to know. Could I create life? Did my machine really work? I picked up one of the frog cadavers and hooked it to up my machine. I flipped on the switch and….twitching, twitching, moving, and croaking! Yes! The frog was ALIVE! ALIVE! But alas, it was a lonely victory. For no one was present to hear my gloating and to declare that I was a genius. Ever since then, it has been my only goal in life to do something so historic and phenomenal that the entire world will have no choice, but to be amazed at my awe inspiring intellect. I knew that I had to do what had never been done before. I would bring life to the lifeless!

Ahhhh…but you still think me to be mad? For these ideas are too taboo, dreadful and horrific for your feeble minds to comprehend! Well, you may be right! I may indeed be crazy! However, it just be a lunatic you are looking for! Now, if you are feeling weak of heart at this point, you may want to cease reading. For this is the point when things really take a turn for the twisted and macabre! This is when I truly delve into the grisly and gruesome details of my plan! I will now wait thirty seconds to see if you are still here for the rest of the story. (30 seconds goes by tick tock tick tock) Ahhhhh….I see you are still here? You are braver than I thought! You are still not very intelligent however; for you are about to bring a terrible burden upon your already pea sized cranium. Once you know what I am about to tell you, you can never un-know it!

To begin, I had to track down the perfect cadaver. I wanted my creation to be perfect physically and mentally, so I needed a body that was tall and strong when it was still… alive. Unfortunately, I have been banned from the premises of all morgues and cemeteries in town, due to my….extra-curricular activities should I say. Luckily, I have a servant to do my bidding who I can send in my place. His name is…Jimmigor! Jimmigor is certainly not the brightest candle in the candle stick holder, but, he is a faithful and trusting slave, (ahem!) I mean servant. One evening Jimmigor told me that the perfect specimen had been brought in to the morgue. He then went about the ever so horrendous task of apprehending the body.

While he was gone, I set up all of the tubes and wires and machines in my basement laboratory. Everything had to be perfect! Tonight would indeed be the night! Hmmmmmm, Jimmigor still had not returned. What could be taking so long? I checked all of the wires again and again while growing ever so impatient. Where could Jimmigor be? Had the buffoon betrayed me? No, he wouldn't dare! Just then the doorbell rang from the upper level. Who could it be? Jimmigor always enters from the secret side entrance. Hmmmmm. I went to check by looking out the peephole and…Elizabeth! My true love had come to see me! The timing however was not good. I could risk having her around for the events that were about to transpire on this night! I answered the door.

"Elizabeth, by dear. It is so good to see you," I declared.

"I just wanted to see you so we could talk about the wedding plans Chadwick. You've been so busy I've been picking out everything by myself," Elizabeth proclaimed.

"I know, I know Elizabeth, believe I know, but my work is at a crucial point. I am about to make a break through that will once and for all prove to the world that I am a ….."

(Elizabeth interrupts)," pure and utter genius?"

"Yes! You see Elizabeth, you know me so well!" I exclaimed.

"Chadwick Von Frankenstein, I don't want to marry you because you're a genius, I want to marry you because I love you and you are not like any man I have ever met before," Elizabeth poured out.

"Ahhhhh, that is so sweet my darling. I promise that I will be able to make it all up to you very, very soon! I, Chadwick Von Frankenstein, swear it!"

Just then, Jimmigor burst into the room!

"Master, master, I have the body! It's a nice big body with big strong arms and big.."

"Jimmigor, that will be enough! Wait for me in the laboratory!" I commanded.

"Yes master, whatever you say master," Jimmigor replied like a beaten dog.

"What was he talking about, a big strong body? I'm confused Chadwick. If you are into some freaky stuff please tell me before we get married" Elizabeth declared.

"No, no, nothing like that my dear Elizabeth. Jimmigor is just referring to the machine parts that I sent him out to get. That is all. Plus, you know Jimmigor is not the brightest crayon in the box. I hardly know what he is talking about half the time. I must go check on things before he breaks something important. Until next time my love."

"I worry about you Chadwick, but I do love you."

Elizabeth kisses me on the cheek. I close the door and wait for her to get into her car and then I storm down into the basement laboratory.

"JIMIGOR!" I yell out.

You half-witted ignoramus! You almost ruined everything! Elizabeth must not know of my wicked endeavors! Plus, what took you so bloody long?" I prodded.

"I went to check on our stock investment master," Jimmigor declared.

"What! What are you talking about!" I angrily asked.

"Remember master? We invested our money in Blockbuster Video since you said it is a business that will be around forever. I went to check but no one there could tell Jimmigor. I did rent two video tapes though. The Matrix and American Pie. We can watch them later Master."

"Jimmigor! You lamebrained humpback! You don't check on the investments at the actual business, that is now how stocks work. A stock (also known as "shares" and "equity) is a type of security that signifies ownership in a corporation and represents a claim on part of the corporation's assets and earnings. There are two main types of stock: common and preferred. Common stock usually entitles the owner to vote at shareholders' meetings and to receive dividends. A single share of the stock represents fractional ownership of the corporation in proportion to the total number of shares. This typically entitles the stockholder to that fraction of the company's earnings, proceeds from liquidation of assets, or voting power, often dividing these up in proportion to the amount of money each stockholder. Do you understand Jimmigor!?" I asked desperately.

"Ohhhhhh, I get it master. We OWN Blockbuster! Then I shouldn't have had to pay for the movies!" Jimmigor ignorantly stated.

"ARRRRRRGH! Jimmigor, why do I bother?" I said.

"Sorry master, Jimmigor not so smart." Jimmigor said sadly.

"I know, I know Jimmigor. It is indeed true that your brain is the size of a pea, but you are a loyal sla-I mean servant. Now, show me the body!"

"Here it is master!"

Jimmigor lifted the blanket off of the table to reveal the magnificent specimen! Jimmigor was not exaggerating the details. This cadaver was indeed a brawny and strapping fellow. I can certainly work with this! Wait, there is a wound near his cerebral cortex?

"Jimmigor, what is this wound?" I prodded.

"That's how he die master. He get hit by a baseball bat that smashed his head. ISomeone kill him that way. It still good right master? Jimmigor still do good?"

"Yes, Jimmigor, you still did good. Now I need you to really do good because what's coming next is the most crucial part of this horrible process. I will need your help Jimmigor to run the machines. Now is the time Jimmigor! Now is the time to give the creature life! LIFE! So declares Chadwick Von Frankenstein!

To be continued…..


End file.
